There are few things that cause me to sin more than fantasy baseball.
Each baseball season it starts simply and innocently enough. I join the same league I’ve been in the past few years and draft some players. The first month I keep an eye on their stats and make a few changes, but ultimately go on with life as normal.
However, by the time the All-Star break comes around, fantasy baseball now dominates my thoughts. I now begin to hope that the players on the other teams will do poorly, and even root against my favorite teams if it will help my fantasy team in some way. And instead of being resourceful, I sit for hours looking at baseball stats.
As the end of the season arrives, madness sets in as my players do poorly. I now pray for the players on the other teams to succumb to injury, and curse and punch the computer when it instead happens to me. I become short with people during the day, constantly strategizing how I might gain some points. Any relationships I have with friends and family are severely damaged from the total control fantasy baseball has over my life. I am told that I am “insane” or “crazy” or “constantly foaming at the mouth when baseball scores scroll at the bottom of the tv”. Finally, when it becomes clear that I am not going to win I begin to question the existence of God.
Well, maybe it doesn’t go that far.
But, anyway, all of this got me thinking that maybe I should start a fantasy league of my own where you draft various altar servers and get points for when they don’t screw up during Mass. (When I space off during Mass, which unfortunately happens a bit too often, I start to count server errors.) So you could trade servers throughout the year, and maybe get double points for holy days of obligation. Maybe the tiebreaker could be guessing the length of the homily on Easter. Okay, I’m thinking too hard about this.