I called a Sufi order in New York today in my ongoing journey regarding prostrations. The general manager there mentioned something that I have heard elsewhere — that even your heart has to prostrate. And you can do physical prostrations, but your entire heart must prostrate. It is the state of prayer without ceasing. I feel like when I am aware of God’s all-encompassing power, that all love ends up back to God, it is a state of copulation with this power. Copulating with God, if you will. Without being sexual, just by walking. By the state of always being in-between.
I have been feeling guilty lately (I know, the Catholic guilt sucks), that I haven’t been a good enough Catholic, or not as involved with my local parishes…or not an oblate…or not as active in some of those circles. It’s silly, I know, but it’s valid. If I don’t have my external religious identity (I’ve tried going to services that are not Catholic masses, and they are powerful, but not like Catholic masses), what do I have? I wear a headscarf when I am out and about to remind myself of this Godly copulation, that there is something higher than me, and that I am in connection with God.
But it’s something I’m always struggling with. How do I remember God in my busy life? How do I do the externals, but continue, in my journey, to find this love that pertains to all — which pertains to God? I know the external shape of my prayer, I know the internal feeling — but I have a calling that reminds me to remember God. To not forget God. Maybe everyone has some sort of calling like this, in some aspect. My puzzle is remembering to remember when I haven’t already recalled.
And like the term Toni Morrison coins, rememory, I must figure out what to do once I’ve remembered.