Why the Defeat of DOMA Gives Me Queer American Pride

flagsWhen I think about the progress of marriage equality in the U.S. this year, I cannot help but feel proud, and grateful, to be an America.

My girlfriend is not a U.S. citizen. She’s Brazilian and attends college here on a student visa which expires when she graduates. Before DOMA (the Defense of Marriage Act) was struck down a year ago, I’m not sure we would have been able to stay together in the States and get married.

Now that our rights are the same as opposite-sex couples, the federal government will recognize and honor our union and allow my girlfriend to stay in the country with a marriage visa.

That being said, our marriage still won’t be easy. The struggle towards full equality continues, but today I want to focus on what we’ve gained.

As my girlfriend once said, “I am really thankful for what I have, not for what I don’t have.”

I wrote a poem and wanted to share it with you today. Please share it with anyone who feels overwhelmed by the darkness of this world. Sometimes we get distracted by the negativity around us and we don’t see the good. But God brings light to the darkest places.


Not Focusing on the Lack

We take an evening picnic
under the stars
and ponder the crescent moon
wondering if we will ever be
so bold as that light.

Sometimes two women in love
feel more like new moons,
overwhelmed by
strangers’ eyes watching us
credit card bills on the desk
silence from our families
and memories of men who touched us.

But we are not focusing on the lack.

We give thanks
for laughter,
for music in the car
for jobs funding our future family
for a pastor preaching for our rights
for a mom insisting “Nobody messes with my girls”
for friends holding us when we could not hold ourselves
for a faith community supporting us without condition
for a country legalizing our union
and for a God providing us with all we need.

So tonight we lay on the damp evening grass,
seeing that sliver of cosmic hope,
that crescent blade
fighting the tenebrous night
as a sign of our impending
over their darkness.

For more of my story, check out my blog about being a bisexual Christian.

1 thought on “Why the Defeat of DOMA Gives Me Queer American Pride

  1. Beautiful. I am also amazed at all that we have gained in terms of GLTBQ rights in the past several years. When I got married in Minnesota in 2012, I wrote letters to members of my bridal party who were not straight telling them I was praying, hoping, and dreaming of the day when they would have the right to have their unions legally recognized and protected as well. Less than a year and a half later, I watched two friends legally marry their same-sex partners, and I look forward to another wedding in May. Many blessings to you, your relationship, and the places it will bring you both.

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