let it go

(this is a repost from my personal blog)

For many of us who live and love beyond society’s norms, Frozen’s “Let it Go” has become an anthem and banner of embracing who we are–both the warm fuzzies as well as the cold pricklies. 

Many of us who identify as lgbt or as queer have truly resonated with the song’s theme of letting go; however, I believe that anyone who has been othered can relate to Elsa’s desire to be free of the shackles that limit and confine the fullness of being created in the image, love, and sound of G-d.   We’ve all had our share of moments of choosing or being forced to conform, whole chapters of our lives in which  “Don’t let them in, don’t let them see, Be the good girl you always have to be, Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know” seems to be written on every page (sometimes different sizes, different fonts, different colors, but the same message of denying who we are).  We’ve bottled up our feelings, repressed our curiosities, pushed away insights into our wholeness.  We’ve isolated ourselves, our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our spirits in order to be accepted, to pass, and to half-hazardly belong.  We’ve convinced ourselves that if we show others who we really are, we will be rejected, cast out, and marginalized.  By denying who we are, we find it safer (despite it being more painful) to deal with our own interior shatteredness and rejection, then face the possibility of communal rejection.  We retreat to our closets by wearing the mask of lifeless but “safe” conformity.

But like our Disney heroine, we must learn to embrace the storm within, to claim our power, and live into “letting-go-ness.”  Being labeled different has not always been easy for me but dealing with the sticks and stones is much easier than dealing with words that profoundly hurt.  I’ve come to realize that if we harness our inner storms, we spark rainbows that have led me to embrace and be embraced by a new familia and kindom–a kindom where this queen’s coldness and warmth is not seen as threats to be squashed but rather differences that birth freedoms to be celebrated.

For some of us, letting go means radically moving away from communities that have hurt us…for others it is revolutionizing and resisting systems of oppression.  For me, letting go is living each day recognizing that the “past is in the past” (we don’t forget, we just don’t dwell), becoming one with our winds and skies and dawns, truly believing at our core that the cold is not a bother or sinful or inhuman…of not letting fears control us.  Living into “letting-go-ness” is not easy, its a journey of taking chances, getting messy, committing bloopers…its a happier place where one sleeps better, is able to use the bathroom much smoother, where we are able to laugh, and where we can “test the limits and break through [walls of black/white into color], No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I’m free.”

I have not been able to construct my own crystal palace like Elsa, but I am getting there…I am a work in progress.  I am learning moment to moment to strive to let it go…the coerced expectations, the insecurities and self doubts, the false beliefs that I am somehow less then or not good enough.  I pray that each of us is able to embody whole-heartedly and soulfully that we are free, we will “stand” and “stay” facing (not perfectly but humanly) “the light of day”, living and thriving through the storms, actively being in empowering solidarity with others (and with ourselves!), not caring what others say, slamming the doors of our closets (behind us), so that we all can be free…Amen.

–delfin bautista is a member of the CTA 20/30 Leadership Team and the CTA Board of Directors; delfin is also a member of Dignity’s Young Adult Caucus and Trans Caucus.  delfin “preaches” on their own blog Mi Lucha, Mi Pulpito and  is a contributor to Believe Out Loud.

This entry was posted in Spirituality by delfinwaldemar. Bookmark the permalink.

About delfinwaldemar

Saludos! I am a native of Miami, FL and I am of Cuban and Salvadoran heritage. I am a social worker, person of spirit, activist, and queer theologian who is passionate about engaging the intersections of religion, sexuality, gender, identity, race/ethnicity, liberation, and justice. I have a Master in Divinity as well as a Master of Social Work. I enjoy cooking, eating, laughing, writing, photography, eating more, “queerying” theology, and spending time with family and friends--especially my dearly beloved (while also driving him crazy). My approach to life is rooted in la lucha (the struggle)—lifting up our stories and experiences to inspire creative and authentic conversations and actions that thrive outside boxes transgressing dominant narratives. My hope is to create spaces that provide opportunities to wrestle, reconnect, remember, and and re-member the complex wholizing richness of sacred sass. Being raised roman catholic, I have been marginalized because of who I am and whom I love--my queerness bars me from being able to pursue ordination and so this blog is a space for me to share my journey of faith through homilies, pictures, liturgies, rants, queeries...my prayer is that this space become a pulpit and sanctuary, a new way of living into our call to radical holiness juntxs...a place where you, me, G-ddess will caminar juntos y juntas y juntxs en la lucha. Amen...que asi sea...si se puede!

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