Chalk it up to nature or nurture, but I tend to rejoice in what I have rather than lament what I don’t. In the Catholic world, I celebrate that I’ve been given access to the Sacrament of the Sick before being at death’s door and that I’ve been on plenty of retreats, rather than believing that “retreats are for really holy people.” Before college, retreats were just built in to my education. There was 8th Grade Retreat, Freshman Retreat, Sophomore Retreat, Kairos, and yes even Les Miserables Cast and Crew Retreat. While retreats didn’t force their way into my life in college, they were readily available, and I took advantage of two that I can remember. Then I spent a year in the Norbertine Volunteer Community and was on no less than 6 retreats. My time in the NVC wrapped up in July 2010 and then … Nothing. For five years I went without the beloved retreat. How did this happen? I’ve got no good excuse. But I finally broke my streak on September 18th when I went on my parish’s men’s retreat.
Where’s the power in a retreat? It’s simple … or rather simplicity. Life is stripped down to its essence. There was a whole list of don’ts for me that weekend in September, each one empowering:
- Don’t worry about a thing (your parents or your boyfriend will call the emergency phone if something happens in the world that you really need to know about)
- Don’t check your email (good luck getting Internet anyway)
- Don’t worry about a daily routine
- Don’t worry about getting anything done
- Don’t worry about food (one weekend without your diet won’t kill you)
- Don’t hesitate to take some alone time
- Don’t cut yourself off from the group
- Don’t worry about what time it is
Even without the talks, this “stripping down” should help you to disassemble and reconstruct your life. Even if all the pieces go back in, at least you know that they really needed to be there. Ideally the talks supplement this. One thing that Fr. Tim said that really stuck in my mind is the acronym T.U.B.E.D. – tired, used, bored, envious, depressed. The point, of course, is to recognize the signs of this in your life (one telltale sign: going through the motions of life events, like Sunday Mass, and not really getting anything out of them) and take steps to combat it. I was definitely feeling pretty tired and maybe a little used up, and so I found a scrap of paper and wrote “Anti-TUBED plan” across the top and reflected:
- What’s taking up all my time?
- What has to happen first?
- Can I have one day a week where I’m not trying to just get as much done as possible?
I had already been splitting up my homework among the days between classes on my calendar; now I decided that I should probably get my homework done for the day and then clear out email rather than clear out email and then get to my homework. I resolved to stop trying to use the computer and eat meals at the same time. I chose Saturday as a day to just do one thing at a time rather than always trying to get two things done at once. I can’t say that I’m doing a great job sticking to this plan or that I became an expert time manager — I’m squeezing in this post about a September retreat more than a little after the fact, for example! But on the good days, my busy scurrying seems more meaningful. And I’ve become less afraid to turn down invites to good things that just don’t fit in right now.
I’m looking forward to my next retreat!
About the author: Francis Beaumier is on the leadership team for the Dignity Young Adult Caucus and an active member of the Our Lady of Lourdes Parish Family as well as Angels of Hope Metropolitan Community Church. He currently works for Brown County Library as an IT Specialist and is pursuing a Master’s in Liberal Studies at St. Norbert College.